Venting vs. Complaining

We all complain – and it is often destructive rather than constructive. So, how can we take yelling and screaming and talking negatively about people or a situation – which is often called “venting” – to something positive and affirming?

The best way I have discovered is through Rhonda Britten. Last month I mentioned her book, Fearless Living, as part of “Being Fearless.” This article stimulated a lot of conversation (if you would like a copy of that newsletter just email me) about living Fearlessly during times that feel filled with fear.

This time I would like to write about how to vent in a constructive manner.

According to Rhonda, complaining solves nothing, however venting can be valuable. So, how do you make venting valuable? You set rules!

Rhonda Britten’s Rules for Venting:
1. Pick a venting partner (ventee) who is supportive and trustworthy. Talk to him/her in advance and explain the rules so that the ventee will be aware of what to do when you call to vent.
2. When you call to vent, ask your ventee if now is a good time. If he/she say no, it is important to respect that and ask when would be a better time to call. However, if you are desperate to talk, it is important to convey that to your ventee.
3. Set a limit for venting – AND STICK TO IT! Once the time is up – it is up. During the venting time remain focused on what you are feeling or what the challenge is. It can be a time of just asking your partner to listen as you sort out your day and what happened. It is important to be honest with your partner as to what you want. Let your partner know if you just want him/her to listen or if you want the ventee to offer a solution.

“Venting is not about a quick fix or rescuing you or finding someone to agree or disagree with you.”

4. Don’t keep anything secret – let it all out – be honest. You may feel vulnerable, but that is OK.
5. Breathe!
6. Ask for the support you need.
7. Thank your ventee for her/his time and support.
8. Be conscious of the set time limit. When the time is up, you are done. Change the subject or hang up. This is a signal to your subconscious that you have processed your feelings and are ready to move on.

This entire process is empowering and will leave you feeling renewed rather than disempowered as complaining often will leave the complainer.

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Cleansing; just the word alone can inspire thoughts of starving yourself for days, and only drinking liquefied grass, all while sitting in a lotus position and meditating for hours on end. There are so many types of cleanses on the health food store shelves these days, everything from pills to potions promising success; how do you know where to begin? Surprising as it may be, not all cleanses require massive amounts of will power or deprivation. So what exactly is cleansing (aka: detoxing)?

Cleansing is a way to bring balance to the body and a way to release toxins and waste that can build up over time due to a poor diet. It often includes a rest from the standard American way of eating and enhanced elimination of waste. Why would one want to do this you may ask? Cleansing could possibly aid in weight loss, allows the digestive and internal organs to rest, could possibly prevent illnesses and improve your energy. Spring is a great time to test out a gentle, nourishing cleanse; preparing the body for the warm months ahead and easing yourself out of the chilling hibernation of the winter. 

If your diet consists of mostly non-organic and non-whole foods, the “Raw Food” cleanse is an easy way to not only to detox, but also to introduce your system to a cleaner way of eating. This cleanse is quite nourishing and is perfect for people with chronic illness or deficiencies because it will not deplete your system of vital nutrients. It consists of eating 100% raw foods for a week to 2 weeks. You can have things like fruits, vegetables, raw nuts, raw seeds, green juices and smoothies. The amount of raw food you take in during the day and the combination of which foods will vary from person to person depending on the point you are starting from as well as your activity levels. This cleanse is great because you can really adjust it to work specifically for you. Typically, once your body has a taste of what eating healthy and clean can feel like, you will begin to actually crave these types of foods, making a transition into a healthier way of eating a lot easier and smoother. 

So put away your snow boots, have some green juices and smoothies and welcome in the spring with a new you. 

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By Rita R. Robison, Consumer Specialist, Blogging at The Survive and Thrive Boomer Guide

Recently, I became very angry about how I was treated by a family member, despite the fact that I’d vowed not to allow my family to upset me. I complained and simmered in my anger for days.

Then I came across an article on how feeling angry can bring on irregular heart rhythms. Chronic anger arouses the nervous system and increases heart rate and blood pressure. The article described a research study that used implanted defibrillators to measure the response people had when they recalled a recent situation in which they were angered or aggravated. Further work is occurring to determine if people could avoid having defibrillators implanted if they could get their anger under control.

I wrote a post “How Baby Boomers Can Reduce Their Anger and Help Their Hearts.”

I also thought about the comments I’d heard by Noah McKay, M.D., author of the book “Wellness at Warp Speed,” on a National Public Radio program. McKay said forgiving everyone helps with healing. He served a year in prison because the government didn’t like the way he practiced a combination of alternative and traditional medicine. McKay said he came to appreciate his prison sentence because it gave him time to write his book and learn lessons he needed to know from those incarcerated.

I thought about what I could do to get rid of my anger in a constructive way. I remembered a post I wrote “100 Ways Baby Boomers Can Improve Their Lives in 2009.”

It had sections on having fun and getting joy. To get joy, I slept in, held a baby, talked to friends, and went for a walk. To have fun, I read a book, saw a movie, went to the library, organized my photos, and blogged at a coffee shop.

Then on Saturday, I went to an event that really lifted my spirits. It was at a museum. I love museums.

The opening of “Women’s Votes, Women’s Voices,” an exhibit to celebrate the centennial of women receiving the right to vote in Washington state, at the Washington History Museum in Tacoma, Wash., was beyond spectacular.

The work of suffragettes in the state and on the national level was celebrated. The achievements of women in politics, sports, the arts, and space also were recognized.

A two-hour program featured actors portraying suffragettes and other women from the past as well as songs about suffragettes.

It was a very inspiring day. I thought that there’s still hope for baby boomers to accomplish things in their lives and move forward.

I wrote a post about the exhibit called “Washington State Celebrating the Centennial of Votes for Women.”

So be happy, have fun, and get joy. See my article on reducing anger and read McKay’s book for inspiration on healing.

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